did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
