Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
