some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
