I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
