I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
