im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
