dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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