i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
