Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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