in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I have aggressive nipples.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
