For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
