You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
