I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
