i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
