You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
