help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
