everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
