I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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