Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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