can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
