I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
