Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
