Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
