The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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