she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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