I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
