Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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