She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
