every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
