You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
