im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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