Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
