I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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