whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
