He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
