My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
