At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
