The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
