He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
