3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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