I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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