I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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