i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
