I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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