May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
