I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
