i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
