the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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