I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
MIDGETS
????
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
