I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
